Watch, Movies, Comic Books

Your Favorite Thing Sucks: Deadpool

Hey, Geeks. Welcome to Your Favorite Things Sucks, where I get to talk about all the worst parts of your favorite things. Deadpool 2 is coming out this week, and we are all flipping our tater tots with excitement. Why wouldn’t we be? The Merc with a Mouth is awesome. Groundbreaking. Amazeballs. Or maybe we’ve just turned a blind eye to his many, many shortcomings. Ready?

Deadpool is Really Just a Walking Caricature of the Internet

Ask anyone why Deadpool is different from every other comic book movie out there, and you’re almost definitely going to hear something about him being hilarious. But that can’t be the only thing, can it? Because we have other funny superheroes. We even have movies that work really hard to come off as hilarious (and that I personally hated) and they’re never quoted as being funny on the same level as Deadpool. So what is it?

It’s obvious: Deadpool is the only masked man with access to the same internet we do.

The thing that makes Deadpool stand out from every other superhero/antihero/comic book guy in film is that he is aware of what he is, he is aware of who is watching him, and he’s willing to break every fourth wall he can find in order to push that meta mindset just a little bit further. The trademark personality trait of Deadpool isn’t even his “sassiness” as so many people have claimed — it’s his memeability. Everything he says is packed up and ready to spread across the internet like wildfire — assuming, of course, that it didn’t already come from an internet wildfire. He’s just the internet personified, spouting all the things that reddit’s already been spouting for way too long.

Via Giphy

You’ll notice I said “tater tots” up above instead of “chimichangas.” Because everyone expects chimichangas at this point.
Is it really that clever when everyone and their mother expects it by now? Or is it just that the internet has taught you that chimichangas are funny because of Deadpool?

But, Like… Memebase

Deadpool isn’t even that original with his jokes. He’s known for his snarkiness and being witty and whatnot, but there’s still nothing that comes out of his mouth that wouldn’t be perfectly acceptable in a 16-year-old’s shower fantasy of standing up to that teacher he doesn’t like. Which is probably why the movie is enjoyable for both 16-year-olds and 40-year-olds. It’s also probably why so many people like to hide their faces behind the iconic red mask and be a complete dick to other cosplayers at conventions while justifying their obnoxious, destructive, harassing, and teen-fantasy-fulfilling behavior as “being in character.”

Via Giphy
Do you have any idea how many videos of almost this exact thing are out there?
I posted this one because it was one of the only ones I could find where I could verify that the woman gave consent beforehand. And I will not fulfill your kinks on here without knowing the woman participating actually wanted to be part of that fulfillment. See the bottom of the article for a PSA!

There Are No Stakes Here

One of the things about watching someone get superpowers is then getting to watch them do super things. Fight supervillains. Save superworlds. The stakes are higher and the action more epic. But there are no true stakes in Deadpool. From the first few lines we know that Deadpool knows he’s in a movie, so there’s really nothing keeping him from just… pulling out a script (which wouldn’t even be that ground-breaking. Mel Brooks did that on more than one occasion. Come to think of it, Mel Brooks did basically everything that Deadpool thinks he did first). Add that to his cop-out powers of healing so fast that he cannot die, and you’ve got another Mary Sue superhero that gets more boring with each new rendition. In fact, the only thing we’re ever left to wonder (maybe even worry) about is the most superficial superhero endgame of all time: whether or not his ugly face can get the girl back.

Via Giphy
This was one of the few descriptions in the movie that didn’t involve two weirdly-specific objects mating violently. Eew.

The Things You Think Are Clever Aren’t

Have you ever met someone who watched Deadpool and didn’t like it? Unlikely. Because it really is so different from any other comic book movie out there. Not necessarily original, but at least different. But different does not necessarily mean clever. Meta does not mean intelligent. For every person that enjoys Deadpool for the piss and penis jokes — and there are a LOT of them crammed into those two hours — there’s another person looking down at that guy for “just not getting it. Deadpool’s comedy is more than that.” No. It isn’t. There’s variety to the comedy, but it’s not like there’s high-brow humor crammed between quips about ballsacks. I’m just going to remind you here and now that nothing is as smart as you think it is, and the things put in Deadpool and anything else that requires even more than one tier of meme-knowledge or that tries to sell itself as the comic book avant-garde are just trying to cash in on your desire to be an elitist in the theater. And we’ve already talked about the kind of douche that makes you into. You are not the only person that knows the internet — it’s just that Deadpool is the only superhero that does, so you relate to him. Deadpool is hilarious because it’s got piss and penis jokes and it’s aware of itself enough to make you think that it’s intelligent rather than just meta as hell.

Via Giphy
This is the most popular Deadpool gif on the internet. That has to say something about the audience, right?

Deadpool is *Funny* — Let’s Not Make it Into More Than What it Is

Seriously, I love Deadpool. But I also went to the theater expecting only to be entertained by something for two hours and not caring about anything else during that time. And I got that. But I also got the guy standing in line in front of me who felt like he had to question my comic book knowledge. And I got the teen sitting at the end of the aisle who acted like no one else in the theater had any idea how funny that joke was because, obviously, no one else has surfed the internet before. Don’t be that person. You’re going to find Deadpool 2 exactly has hilarious as the 15-year-old in the front row and the married couple who hired a babysitter for the night behind you. They will get all the jokes that you got. They will laugh when you laugh and see what you see. The comedy is low-brow and none of it as original as you think it is. Honestly, the entire thing kind of sucks. But even Deadpool recognizes it. And that’s okay.

Via Tumblr

Cosplayer PSA

Oh, look! It’s the PSA I promised you. <3

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