I’m a keeper.
I don’t mean in the sense of the Harry Potter, magical flying broom game. (But that would be seriously cool!)
I keep things. Things that are generally meaningless to other people. For example, I have carried a nail in my makeup bag since I was in college. My friend, Gretchen, gave it to me to remember her by when we were on a field trip in Hawaii. I cannot, for the life of me, remember her last name but I kept the nail and remember the look of manic joy on her face when she pressed it into my hand and told me to keep it as a memento of her.
The problem with being a keeper is it sometimes makes change really difficult. It’s easy to hold on to things, even after your time with them is long past. My sock drawer can tell that story better than I can since it is full of mismatched socks that I can’t quite let go of just in case I might find their mates.
So letting go of the podcast, stepping away from one of the greatest creative endeavors in my life, has been terribly difficult for me to do. It’s been a week since we decided and recorded Episode 145, and I am still in many ways mourning it.
There was no long-term plan here; the decision to stop producing episodes was quick and final, very much the speedy pulling off of a band-aid.
But the feeling of needing to let go, of needing to refocus has been present for awhile now. Writing, apparently, is something that must consume a large chunk of my time. If I have the reason for distraction, the “oh, let me do this for Game on Girl first” state of mind, I don’t ever get focused to putting words to the page.
I have lots of natural talents and I tend to be good at the things I put my mind to and writing has been the one thing in my life I have always wanted to be the best at.
I have always wanted to write and publish a book. The time to do that has come. I need to put fingers to the keyboard, instead of voice to recording, and make it happen.
I am looking forward to seeing where this part of my journey takes me, and seeing how Game on Girl grows and changes along with it, because even though it is often hard, change is the only constant in life.